Between the Lines
by Nightheart
Summary: Cannon Blanket-fic. Two people, One bed, Long night. Hitomi accompanies Van alone and unchaperoned to meet the summons by Pack Leader Ruhm.


This fic takes place during episode 22 "Black-Winged Angel." In the previous episode Van almost confessed his true feelings to Hitomi but dropped the ball at the last minute pissing her off and driving her away. We saw the bridge scene (orchestrated by Folken and Dornkirk in Zaibach via the fate thingyummy) between Allen and Hitomi witnessed by Van. It's one week later. Everything is in a state of limbo while Asturia and the rest of the Alliance countries hold out hope that Zaibach isn't going to attack. The Asturian council, with the exception of Dryden, Allen and Van, all want to hand Hitomi over to Zaibach to remove the source of Zaibach aggressiveness. They've been having meetings about it for a while. The story starts later that night when we hear the wolves calling in the distance and Van answers their summons.

She could hear the wolves howling in the distance and as she looked down a familiar pink glow was emanating from the stone of her pendant. What was this feeling?

Something… something is calling. A summons? she wondered, looking out through the wall of windows besides her bed, out into the night lit by the light of the two moons. Something was calling and she didn't know how or why but she knew that she was to become involved in it. Hitomi had learned the hard way to listen when her feelings were trying to tell her something; but ever since the incident at the bridge Hitomi had been less and less certain of her own heart.

I'll go, she decided abruptly. It was at least something, some feeling of purpose in what had been a directionless drift for the past week. She had waited outside anxiously while the Asturian High Council composed of Dryden, Meidan, the Foreign Minister, the Arms Minister, the Minister of Finances and the Minister of the Interior, with Van Fanel and Allen Schezar allowed to sit in, had sat and discussed her fate (without her say of course). The ministers had all been in favor of handing her over to Zaibach in hopes that their "ally" would be content with that and leave them alone. She didn't know if Allen's blunt statement of the facts was sitting at all well with the older men who were more accustomed to the intrigues of politics, of the two of them Dryden seemed to be making far more headway… but then, he was the acting king in the absence of Grava Aston. Millerna was worried sick about her father, she'd spent all of her time for the past five days at a bedside vigil, only resting when she traded off with her sister Eries.

And what was with Van earlier anyway? she thought worriedly. He talked of killing his own brother! Has his hatred grown so much?!

That wasn't what her feelings told her. She could sense deep down that when he spoke of killing his brother Folken that it wasn't really what he wanted. She knew he wasn't that cold; she knew that, even if she couldn't explain how she knew.

I don't understand, she thought. What I thought I wanted… It isn't what I was expecting. I still don't fully understand what happened.

She'd been standing on the bridge soaked to the skin, feeling so lost and alone. She'd wanted to go home; at that moment she'd wanted nothing more than to have the comfort of the familiar all around her, her friends and family supporting her, to take away the sting of the words he'd said to her. Slapping had been too good for him. And since when had she gotten so accustomed to this world and all of its weirdness anyway? When had she stopped thinking about returning to her home and family? It was like this world had swept her up in its own momentum and she'd just been carried along with it like a leaf in a river current. First those horrible terrifying visions filled with fire and death and destruction, and then it was one event after another. Sometimes she wasn't sure which way was up, and she felt so lost and confused all of the time. She just wished she had something… something she could anchor herself on, something that was steady and reliable.

Then he'd just shown up out of nowhere, soaked to the skin and looking just like Amano. She'd wanted comfort of the familiar he'd represented; he even _smelled_ like Amano… but then he'd started talking weirdly at her. Instead of finding his embrace comforting and supportive she'd found it restricting and stifling. She'd been concerned about Van, a thought about him had flashed through her mind and so she'd pushed Allen away.

I was, I remember pushing him away. I was so confused. I'd just fought with Van but despite that I couldn't help thinking about him. I was confused and I felt so hurt, I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. And it was Allen, I like Allen… or I thought I did, but I pushed him away because I didn't think it was a very good idea.

But then something had happened. Something she couldn't explain. Her memory went sort of blurred and fuzzy at that point. The world became a golden haze, everything she had seen had been painted in yellow. And then it was as if she'd been standing outside of her own body watching as his lips had descended on hers, she hadn't been able to feel anything, she couldn't move or speak or breathe, hadn't been able to do anything but watch passively as if it were happening to two completely different people. When he kissed her, Hitomi hadn't felt anything; no sparks or fireworks or any of the wonderful things her friends had told her about. She couldn't feel anything from him, it was as if he was empty inside. Her whole memory of what was supposed to be a pivotal event in a young girls life had been…blurred. She couldn't explain it.

I must be so weird! she wailed in her mind. What kind of a girl doesn't remember her first kiss?!

She was supposed to be happy. This was what she'd wanted, for Allen to like her back… right? But if that were so then why hadn't she reacted to his kiss? Why hadn't she wanted his kiss? Instead of giving her the easy answers, finally being in a relationship with Allen had only made her more confused.

And the whole mess with Van was bothering her more than anything. He'd barely said two words to her from that day to this one. He wouldn't listen to her either. He was cold to her when she addressed him and he was just getting more and more angry inside, she could sense it. She knew he was feeling hurt but he'd hurt her first!

_He_ _could at least try to apologize to clear the air between us_ part of her grumbled. Maybe she should apologize first, after all he was upset. _I have nothing to apologize for!_ she argued back against herself. She shouldn't have to apologize for something that wasn't his business in the first place. What happened between her and Allen was their business not Van's. Her conscience whispered that even thought it wasn't strictly speaking "Van's business" it did affect him. Still, he shouldn't be treating her so coldly. But could she really blame him for it? It was probably pretty awkward for him.

She could sit there all night and make the arguments and counter arguments (precisely as she had been doing every night since the incident had happened) but it didn't change anything.

And the way Allen's been talking and acting ever since he kissed me… she thought.

She knew that she should feel pleased and flattered that he had decided to devote so much attention to her. He wanted to know where she was every minute that she wasn't with him. _Control freak_, her other half whispered. He wanted to keep her safe. _He wanted to **keep** her, as if she were a mindless five-year-old in need of a nanny. _He treated her so well._ He tried to stop her from doing things she was perfectly capable of because she might get hurt_.

Oh, but he was so gallant and chivalrous.

_Lock me away in a birdcage, indeed!_ she thought.

Confusing; that was what it was. It was like two halves of her had been at war with each other for days and it was wearing her out. She hated feeling helpless but the fact was she was at the mercy of the Asturian High Council as long as she was in this world.

He strictly adhered to the code of chivalry as was proper for a knight of his rank. He treated her with a pedestal-like worship, never a harsh word of a disrespectful gesture.

Was that necessarily a good thing? Her other half argued with her about it and the arguments were persuasive. Sure it was nice to feel safe and protected, but was chivalry just another word for chauvinism? The frame of mind that extolled men to protect women also extolled them to control them; the mandate to treat them with respect also meant that they'd be treated differently.

Maybe it wasn't so good that Allen always treated her with kid-gloves. Even if she and Van were arguing, even when he was harsh with her and she with him they were at least being honest with how they felt about each other. When Van was angry or upset with her, she knew. Allen might not say everything he was feeling, like if he got angry with her out of some kind of strange mandate to protect her feelings.

She was supposed to be happy-- but she wasn't. Van was clearly not happy with her and he was the best friend she had in this world, she worried about him so much and… she missed him. Ever since that day they'd been drifting farther and farther apart and she couldn't seem to bridge the widening gap between them. She was so worried; did death and killing really mean so little to him now? Why was he acting this way? She knew he wasn't cruel, why was he pretending that he was some kind of perfect super-human soldier?

Hitomi debated bringing her sports bag with her but decided against it, whoever it was that was summoning Van for whatever purposes; she could feel that it wasn't going to be a very long journey. She finished cleaning up her room and left her bag on top of the neatly folded bed linens as a signal that she would be back. Hitomi knew the routes in and out of the palace toward the shed where Escaflowne was being kept by heart now and her feet stepped unerringly out on the dirt path that lead through the fields to the barn.

Just as she reached it she saw Van running swiftly towards the place where he kept Escaflowne. He froze suddenly, hand on the hilt of his ever-present royal sword.

"Who's out there, show yourself!" he demanded. Hitomi hesitantly stepped out from behind the tree.

"Oh, it's you," he said coolly. Hitomi wasn't fooled by his attitude for a second; they might have been fighting right at the moment but she knew him well enough by now to know that that arrogant and cool demeanor he put on was just a defense mechanism.

"I'm coming with you," she stated in a tone that brooked no argument. Van opened his mouth to argue and then shut it.

Good boy, she thought a little smugly.

"Do what you want," he said in an indifferent tone.

On second thought, she gritted inwardly as her jaw clenched and she restrained the urge to hit him. Much as she cared about him, he could be a stubborn jackass sometimes. Still, she just felt she had to be along on this trip, if only to keep him from killing his brother. She wasn't certain she had any warm or fuzzy feelings for Folken who had caused Van so much pain, but Eria had believed in him until the end so there must be something good about him. If nothing else she'd stop Van from killing Folken simply because it would hurt him more in the end; she knew that Van still loved his brother very much and that if he went ahead with his self-sworn oath to kill him he'd regret it for the rest of his life. Van wouldn't listen to her when she tried to talk sense into him but she'd think of something.

Van reached down a hand to help her into the cockpit of Escaflowne and she took her place behind him. It wasn't long before they were in the air, the cool night wind tugging at their clothes and the heat of his body pressed to hers as she held onto his waist. Her home shone brightly in the sky on this strange world.

Does he know where we're going? she wondered about three hours later. The night-dark scenery below her looked the same, treetops that blanketed the ground far below her looked like moss from her height, but she was certain that she'd seen that mountaintop before and the last time she'd seen it, it had been on her left.

"Ne, Van," Hitomi said hesitantly. It was hard enough getting him to talk with her normally recently, how much worse would it be when she was going to bring up a subject that was universally touchy with all men (or so her mother had told her).

"Yes?" he asked shortly.

"Are we lost?" she inquired, trying to soften her tone so it wasn't accusatory. He was the only one who knew how to fly the Escaflowne after all, best not to offend the pilot of a rapidly moving object while she was inside of it.

An indignant snort was her only answer.

After another hour had passed and she spotted that same particular peak jutting up against the clouds once more, this time slightly north-west, she dared to broach the subject again.

"We are lost aren't we?" she pressed.

"No," he said defensively. "I know where I'm going."

"I could use my pendant to-"

"I said we're not lost!" he snapped.

"Fine, sorry," she grumbled, subsiding into silence.

Bad tactical error, she thought inwardly. Now he wouldn't be able to loosen his pride enough to ask her to use her pendant even if he did realize he was lost. Hitomi didn't like the look of those clouds building up in the west either. It was dark outside but for the moons but she could sense them building up power and rain. Perhaps even lightning.

I don't think I want to be caught out in Escaflowne in a lightning storm, she thought with a small shiver at the thought of lighting hitting them and frying them both to a crisp.

"Ne, Van," she said a little hesitantly.

"Now what is it?" he demanded grumpily. Hitomi was about to confront him about his attitude but decided against it, she had bigger fish to fry.

"There's a bad storm brewing to our west, if we don't get there soon we'll be caught out in it," she replied. It didn't escape her notice that because of his bad temper she was serving the exact purpose he'd said he wanted her for.

"Rain's fine," he said shortly. He was using the bare minimum words allowable with her, one of those "subtle" Van-hints for conveying his displeasure with her.

"It's not the rain I'm worried about," she replied, sticking her tongue out at him behind his back for his childish behavior. "It's the lightning." Then, as if on cue, a jagged bolt of brilliant white sliced the sky in half and momentarily blinded her. Ten seconds later it was followed by a crackling boom of thunder loud enough to render her temporarily deaf.

"I'll look for a place to land," he said shortly.

The storm was moving quickly and almost out of Habit Hitomi blanked her mind and began dowsing for adequate shelter and landing in that order. Hitomi's pendant circled for a few minutes and then bonged softly in her mind to her left.

"Down there!" she called over the noise of the wind, pointing. Van wheeled Escaflowne on a wingtip and circled in to land. There was an overgrown clearing next to the remains of an abandoned cabin. The roof was partially caved in on the right half of the house but the remainder of the dwelling was intact.

"Hello?" Hitomi called, even as she tried the front door. It squeaked open on rusty hinges. There was no-one there and it looked like there hadn't been for years. She looked up to see an owl perched comfortably in the rafters, there were droppings on the floor and Hitomi thought she could hear the soft scratching and scamperings of rodent denizens.

"It looks abandoned," she commented. Van only grunted. Since he was the one with the sword she let him walk into the darkened interior first to scope it out. Dead leaves had been allowed to drift into the house over time and they skittered softly along the rough-plank floors on the wind that they'd brought in with them. The house smelled old and musty, a combination of rotting wood, dead leaves, and the rain-scent of the outside air. This place had been abandoned for quite some time.

"Hey," she called to Van, a thought suddenly occurring to her. "You don't think these people were scared off by some big predator do you? I mean, there are dragons on this world."

Finally, she saw what could have been taken for a smile on Van's face for the first time in days; although it looked more smug than anything.

"Even if there was the danger of dragons nearby, you wouldn't have to worry Hitomi. After all, I've killed one before as all kings of Fanelia must."

She was about to admonish him not to be cocky about it (she had helped him after all) when she saw that he'd gone back into sullen mood again. He was probably brooding about his brother as usual. Oddly enough it was he who broke the silence next.

"How long will it last?" he questioned.

It was on the tip of her tongue to say "do I look like a meteorologist?" but she restrained herself, instead she closed her eyes and reached out with her feelings. She could sense the ebb and flow of the weather all around her, the currents of power that shifted and moved according to the dictates of Nature. It was a very large storm, and even when the worst of it was to be over the rain would continue until morning.

"All night," she replied finally. "The storm will last a good three hours or so and the rain will pour down for even longer before it tapers off and breaks up near the dawn."

He nodded and, sword drawn, carefully entered to inspect the house. A few minutes later he returned and said.

"The back room is the only one intact and not likely to leak. Fortunately for us it's the one beside the chimney wall so if I go out now and gather wood we can have a fire to keep warm by."

"Be careful," was all she could think to say. "I don't sense any danger near but you never can tell."

He just nodded and left without another word. Hitomi stared after him.

Mou, it just keeps getting worse and worse, she thought. He was barely even talking to her; it was going to be a long night ahead.

Speaking of nights, I don't see anywhere to sleep, she thought, looking around. There was no bed (and even if there was one, the animals and vermin would likely have gotten to it long before she). There was nothing to keep warm while they slept either. There had to be something… she paused, invoking her mental pendant. It took but a second and it bonged softly in her mind to her right. Back on earth Hitomi had been lucky if she'd gotten the vaguest sense after concentrating for over an hour, here on Gaea her powers had grown so much in magnitude and accuracy it often unnerved her. She walked over towards the near wall in the direction the pendant had indicated. She didn't see anything, but the interior was so dim! Oh, there was a ladder, and it led up to a small loft. There was a chest that, despite its abuse by the animals and time still remained locked fast and closed tightly. Whatever was inside would still be intact.

Sending a mental apology to the previous denizens of the modest hut Hitomi worked the simple catch of the lock (it was similar to one she'd worked out in her mothers favorite jewelry box as a child) and lifted the lid. Inside there lay a thick quilt inside and a single pillow on top of a neatly folded futon. Obviously whoever had lived her had been a bachelor and disinclined to entertain guests.

One blanket. Two people. Long night.

She climbed back down the ladder and went over to the fire place, gingerly probing up the chimney shaft with a nearby broom handle revealed that the shaft was intact and better yet, unclogged. She heard the soft patter of rain start in the thatched roof of the hut and steadily grow louder and harder. She wondered if she ought to go look for Van, he was alone out there and it was night time, he might not be able to find his way back. Another bolt of lightning flashed and her heart jumped up out of her chest when she saw a silhouette framed by the door in light. She backed up in sudden panic.

"It's just me," Van said quietly, wincing as a roll of thunder boomed overhead. Hitomi breathed a sigh of relief and he strode into the room and deposited an armload of firewood next to the hearth.

"Do we have anything to start it with?" she wondered aloud. Van frowned. That was likely a no. Hitomi searched through her pockets, she didn't smoke or have cause to start little flames on a regular occasion, but she'd bought a lighter for her father as a welcome home present for when he returned form Hokkaido. It had a funny saying on it that she'd thought might make him laugh and she'd had it in her pocket the day she'd left and hadn't bothered to take it out, it should still be there.

"Ah!" she exclaimed triumphantly, holding up the shiny zippo. "Reality is the leading cause of stress" it said on it. She flicked off the top and flicked the spark wheel with her thumb. It made a soft noise and a tiny flame appeared at the end of it.

"What is that?" Van asked with real interest.

"A lighter," Hitomi replied casually. At Van's furrowed brow she tossed it to him and let him examine it while she elaborated. "It has flammable fluid inside of it and a tiny wick at the top here, you flick this spark wheel which is made of flint that rubs against steel to cause a spark and the fluid keeps the flame alive."

"Like a miniature oil-lamp that lights itself, what a good invention," Van said approvingly.

"Right up there with the wheel," she agreed, keeping her expression to herself. She didn't live in a society where she had to light a candle every time she wanted to light a room so who was she to criticize?

While Van busied himself trying to get the slightly damp wood to start Hitomi bundled up the futon blanket and pillow from the loft onto her shoulder and carried it over near the fire (but not too close). While he carefully coaxed the small flame into growing larger she readied the futon and spread out the thick blanket on top of it.

She was left at loose ends while he continued working on making the fire grow. It seemed that lately all she had was time on her hands, things were at a relative stand-still while they all waited for greater proof that Zaibach was indeed going to attack. Though Allen said she shouldn't worry her pretty head about it (he actually did!) and Van wasn't talking with her about anything. Dryden was still an approachable source of information and he'd told her that those idiot ministers still held out the foolish hope that Zaibach wouldn't attack them because they had a peace treaty. They thought that if they held off asking for reparations that the attack on Asturia would prove to be nothing more than a misunderstanding. Dryden felt that having a building fall on him in the middle of his wedding to Millerna was a little more than a misunderstanding.

Hitomi sighed softly to herself as she sat back, rested her chin on her knees and watched the flames grow inside the hearth. After a minute Van sat back, satisfied that the fire would continue well on its own for a while. When he turned to look at her a small expression of surprise flitted onto his face.

"Where'd you find that?" he asked curiously, indicating the bed she had finished preparing.

"In a trunk in the loft," she replied.

"As ever, your talents continue to come in handy in surprising ways," he said. It looked like a temporary truce had been called between them. "There was just the one?"

"Yes, looks like we'll have to share it," she said.

"That's okay, I can sleep on the floor next to the hearth," he replied.

Hitomi rolled her eyes.

"Don't you start it too!" she said in exasperation.

"Start what?" he asked in puzzlement.

"That… that male chivalry thing," she said a little hesitantly.

"I thought you didn't want to be treated like a weapon," he said, sounding a little confused.

"Well yes but, being treated like I don't have a brain isn't right either," she replied.

"I was only trying to be considerate," he said, sounding a little curt.

"I know, and I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap at you," she said. There, she'd apologized first.

Van looked like he wanted to say something for a moment, then he just turned back to the fire, poking at it with a stick unnecessarily. Hitomi wondered what he'd been about to say but didn't pursue it in interests of maintaining the fragile truce between them. Part of her was a little sad that she wasn't able to talk with him like she'd always been able to. Van was probably really the first guy she'd ever been able to be truly comfortable around. Sure, Amano was her friend to but there was always that element of "crush" that made things distinctly uncomfortable for her when she was near him. It was the same way with Allen, she liked him but she couldn't really talk with him. Van was easy to talk with, most of the time that was.

"You're certain it doesn't bother you? I mean. Don't they have social taboo's against that where you come from?" he pressed. Hitomi smiled a little.

"There's a problem with a girl and a boy sleeping in the same bed if they plan on doing more than sleep, but I think this falls under the term "extenuating circumstances" and so we could just call it doukin."

"Doukin?" Van inquired, gesturing for clarification.

"It means bed-sharing, it's not a problem," she replied, deliberately keeping her voice and manner relaxed as if this were no big deal. They'd slept sort-of together a couple of times in the days of travel between their escape from Asturia and their flight to Freid. They'd slept next to each other outside… well, Merle had been there to so they hadn't been alone per se, but it should be fine. He was Van for pity's sake; he certainly wasn't going to try anything. Even if it weren't against his character, he was still upset with her.

"Well, if it's alright with you," Van said, shrugging with his voice.

Silence descended once again on the room. The sound of the rain pattering hard against the roof, the occasional roll of thunder, and the sporadic pop of the logs in the fire there was not sound. It wasn't a comfortable silence either, more like a long, drawn-out pregnant pause. She could sense that he wanted to say something to her, or bring something up but was hesitant to for whatever reason. Well, she wanted to talk to him too, but she didn't want to press the issue because he'd been so prickly lately.

Having nothing else better to do, she took out her tarot deck and began shuffling them. It had always been a bit of a nervous habit with her, that, and playing with her pendant. She had been going over the spread she'd done for Millerna in her mind, eaten alive with guilt about how she'd given her friend the wrong interpretation and then tried to cheat by switching out the ending card. It had really been bothering her, and Hitomi was, by painful experience, leaning to listen to her inner voice when it was trying to tall her something. What had the cards been again? She was sure that there had been only nine in the spead, since Hitomi preferred to leave out the querant representation card in order to have more cards to work with. The cover card had been a Three of Serpents. Objectively speaking, it was a positive card; it generally meant cooperation and the birth of a new undertaking or enterprise. She supposed that it could be taken to mean the wedding itself. Oddly enough, the Three of Serpents used as a representation for a person actually meant a merchant, someone involved in commerce. The cross card was The Hanged Man, the beneath card had been… Hitomi paused to think; it had been a little while since she'd done the reading. It had been another of the Major Arcana.

Oh yes, that's right, she thought. It was the Moon. The Moon had been beneath her, followed by the Ace of Birds in the behind position. Her crown card had been reversed, what had it been? She paused to think for a moment, it had been a five of something; Millerna had had an unusual number of fives in her spread five generally meant an upset of balance, change, disruption and difficulties… ah! She had it now, it had been the Five of Fish with the Devil before her. The Self card was, strangely, the Five of Beasts… odd, of all people Millerna had the least to worry about poverty. The environment card had been The Lovers and the hopes card had been the Tower. Hitomi went through the deck, picking out cards and arranging them in front of her to take another, closer (far less pressured look) at Millerna's future.

It wasn't as bad as Hitomi had originally thought; though many of the cards could have negative connotations to them the spread as a whole was somewhat optimistic. With the Hanged Man as the crosscard it might mean that whatever obstacle Millerna was facing, chances were that it was spiritual in nature. Hitomi generally looked at the Hanged Man as the Card of Self-Sacrifice… oh, well that made a great deal of sense in this position then. Millerna sacrificing her happiness with Allen was the issue of importance there. The Moon supporting her. Hn, past influences and motivations, repetitive behavior patterns was the meaning of the beneath position, the Moon card generally meant that one was deceiving one's self. Well, that made sense… Millerna did have an unfortunate habit of turning a blind eye to Allen's continuing avoidance of her affections and since she wasn't actually reading this to anyone she could afford to be brutally honest in her own thoughts. The Ace of Birds as a recent past card made perfect sense too. Ace of Birds meant "Strength in Adversity." Millerna had certainly shown that, the recent trip to Freid and all of the difficulties that had come after it had forced her to develop her courage and test her own true mettle. The spread was beginning to make more and more sense the more she read of it, now that she wasn't under all of the pressure from Millerna's little "I'll believe whatever the cards tell me" bit.

The Crown, or potentiality card, was the Five of Fish reversed which meant "the worst is behind you." That sounded positive enough, it could be saying that there was the potential for hope in her future or new opportunities after a time of hardship. The Devil was her card for forthcoming circumstances? That seemed to directly contradict the reversed Five of Fish card in her potentiality position. Her potential was hopeful, but the circumstances were not eh? Her Grandmother had always read the Devil as a card of bondage, the chains that people make_ for_ themselves_ by_ themselves tying them to harmful relationships or material possessions. The card fit well with the moon that had showed up in Millerna's past circumstances… oh! Hitomi saw it now! It meant that Millerna's unhealthy attachments would continue for a time in the future unless she took action to stop it.

Now, that's odd, this card doesn't seem to fit. Did I misremember it? Hitomi wondered. The Five of Beasts as a representation of how Millerna saw herself didn't seem to fit; it seemed to mean that the Princess saw herself as a pauper. Maybe it meant depression. Hitomi frowned in puzzlement, she'd come back to that one.

Her environment card was, appropriately enough, the Lovers; a card for choice. Outside factors were pressuring her to make a choice and they wanted it to be the right choice. Millerna was at a fork in the road, this card was cautioning her to consider carefully. And for "hopes" which in this case could also be read as "fears" Millerna had gotten La Torre, the Tower, the card of destruction. Hitomi had tried to switch it with the Emporer the card of control and order. She sat back and looked at the cards as they played out.

No wonder it didn't work, Hitomi thought. Now the Five of Beasts made sense. Millerna had been expecting, in her heart of hearts, a bad outcome. The Five of Fish could now be read as a sort of self-pity card in that position. She's walked up to her fork in the road feeling pressured, unable to let go of the past and thus unable to move confidently towards the future; The Devil for self-made chains, the Moon for self-deception, the five of beasts for uncertainty. Millerna had several positive cards in her spread, the Lovers, the Three of Serpents, the Ace of Birds, internal strength, love, a positive start for new endeavors; but her inability to let of go of what might be an unhealthy obsession was sabotaging a potentially brilliant future. All problems in her thread were internal in nature. If she didn't resolve her inner problems, Millerna was going to be unhappy for a long time to come.

"You seem to be concentrating very hard," Van remarked. Hitomi started.

"Oh… Yes. It turns out I may have given a friend some bad advice," she replied.

"Oh," he said. "You do this for fun? Read people's future?"

"I used to," she replied absently, seeking the meaning for The Tower as an end to the spread. Did it mean that the relationship _would_ fail or just that the structure was collapsing in order for something new to be made?

"It used to be fun," she continued. "I'd do readings for my friends that were always accurate. It's not fun for me anymore because… well, the visions of war death and destruction are pretty unpleasant."

"I see…" he paused, Hitomi gathered up her cards, waiting. Van had something to tell her, she could sense him warring with himself.

"Hitomi," he said, his voice a little hesitant.

"Yes," she asked, shuffling the deck absently. A card popped out; Two of Birds.

Stalemate, her mind supplied automatically. A tense situation, tight reign over emotions, uncertainty about which path to follow, opposition, antagonism, quarrels, inability to decide between head and heart.

She shook her head at herself, really, she was getting so accustomed to reading cards that her mind supplied the meanings to them even when she wasn't thinking about them. Perhaps she should take a break from it. She patted the card back into the deck, continuing to shuffle absently while she waited for Van to say what he wanted to say.

"About the other day…"

Oy! He was going to bring _that_ up. She'd just as soon not have to talk about it. The whole mess was confusing enough as it was, but earlier that day Allen had told her that he was having his manor, the same manor he hadn't stepped foot in since he'd run away as a child, opened up and aired out. The reason that he was having it aired out was because he wanted her to come and stay with him there. He'd said that she could take refuge with him to get her out of the focus of the councilors so that they wouldn't be tempted to just hand her over to Zaibach. He'd hinted that he'd be willing to make her stay a little more permanent. Hitomi felt something of a chill run up her spine. Dating was fine; but permanent? She was only fifteen!

"I really don't want to talk about it," she said. Hn, now she was the one who didn't want to talk.

"Oh," he said. He sounded disappointed. Quickly Hitomi amended

"It's not anything bad really, but… I'm not sure… what I should do." Hitomi said that last part almost too quietly for him to hear, she wasn't sure she wanted him to hear.

"Do? What do you mean?" he asked. He sounded alarmed.

"It's just that—" she broke off. "I don't know," she finished lamely. This was depressing; even at their worst, she and Van had never had communication problems like this before. She couldn't even manage to say a complete sentence to him now.

"I wish the whole thing had never happened," she grumbled to herself. Van blinked in surprise.

"Huh?" he asked intelligently.

"This… this _mess_," she said her tone sounding both aggrieved and surprisingly grouchy. "Look at us! We can't even say two words to one another. It's depressing. I miss my friend."

"You do?" he said, looking over at her. Hitomi nodded unhappily.

"I don't have anyone to talk to," she said miserably. "Merle's no good, Millerna's preoccupied with her father, I barely know Eries."

"So I'm the court of last resort?" he said darkly.

"I'd have probably talked with you first but you've been so darn snarky," Hitomi snapped.

"Well what am I supposed to do," he replied with equal heat. "Act like everything is okay?"

"Isn't it?" Hitomi asked. "If it's not, then tell me what's bothering you. We don't talk anymore and I miss you." To her embarrassment, her voice broke and her eyes started brimming with tears. She always got like this at emotional confrontations.

At first it looked like he was going to blurt out whatever it was that had his khaki's in a twist but then he hesitated, seemed to think better of it, and finally retreated back behind the same walls he'd been hiding behind for the past week. Hitomi had never felt so rejected.

"What about Allen," he said after another uncomfortable silence.

"What about him?" Hitomi said sullenly. Van's sulkiness was beginning to rub off on her, or at least make her depressed.

"Can't you talk with him about what's bothering you?"

"He's part of the problem," Hitomi said thickly.

"Did you have a fight?" Van pursued, but he didn't sound happy about pursuing it.

"No," Hitomi said. "But maybe it would be better if we were fighting."

"That doesn't make sense," Van said in confusion. "Why would you want to be fighting with him? I thought you liked him."

"I do, and having him like me back is nice; but I can't _talk_ to the man!" Hitomi couldn't hold in her exasperation. Her frustration just tumbled out, like a landslide of words coming out from her mouth. "At least if we were fighting there'd be something other than that chivalrous _annoying_ unconscious condescension. He'd at least be disagreeing with me."

"I try to tell him about my concerns, my worry for you, my worry for Millerna and her father, my fear over the council wrapping me up and tossing me to Zaibach like a bone given to a hungry dog in hopes that it'll go away. I tell him these things but he just pats me on the head and tells me not to worry my pretty little head about it, well excuse me, I _am_ worried!"

"…" At this point Van was reduced to the role of passive and nervous listener, whether he liked it or not.

"I like Allen, I do really… it's just that-- well, I feel like he trivializes my feelings sometimes."

"Tell him to take you more seriously then," Van said. "He probably doesn't mean to make you feel that way."

"Easier said than done," Hitomi muttered. "There's the real world and then there's Allen-Land where all the men are manly paragons of virtue and all of the women are soft-spoken but given to typical female hysteria; apparently the rest of us missed the boat."

Van was surprised into a laugh.

"Hey, that's the first time I've seen you smile in days," Hitomi said, with a small smile in return.

"I haven't had much to smile about," Van said. The mood, which had lightened a little, took another abrupt downturn.

"Merle's really worried too," Hitomi said quietly. "Van… I hesitate to bring this up but someone has to. Van you _can't_ kill your own brother."

"Folken's not my brother!" Van shouted venomously. "He's a traitor! He turned his back on his kingdom, on his family! He ordered Fanelia burned to the ground!"

The walls behind Van's eyes were up and the shutters tightly drawn. Van was too tightly caught up in his anger and bitterness. Nothing could turn to a hatred quite that poisonous like deep-rooted love and affection twisted by betrayal. He had good cause to be angry but Hitomi _knew_ that his rage was another expression of his hurt; he was hurting inside and hurting deeply. He wasn't going to listen to her. Even if he wouldn't listen to her, she still had to try.

"Even so," she pursued. "You can't kill Folken."

"The hell I can't," Van snapped back. "I should kill him, I'm right to kill him for everything he's done to Fanelia! To me!"

"Eria believed in Folken right to the very end. I'm sure that there had to be a very good reason why."

"The cat-woman? I can't believe I'm hearing this. Hitomi, she was sent to kidnap you. They destroyed parts of Palas, injured Dryden, and dragged you off by force and you want to use her as a character reference for my traitor brother?! On second thought, it's a very good one, they're _all_ the enemy!"

"Van listen to me, I don't think your brother is a bad person."

"Yeah? What do you know?" he demanded. "You see the past and see the future but you miss everything that matters. You don't even see—Well, you just don't. You can't possibly understand what I'm going through. You don't know anything!"

Hitomi knew, intellectually, that Van was hurt and angry and that anger was making him lash out. It still hurt when he said stuff like that and she couldn't keep the wounded look from her face.

"I'm just trying to help," she said softly, afraid that if she raised her voice he'd hear how hard it was to keep from crying.

"Well don't," he said sharply. She flinched away from the anger in his tone, but some stubborn thing inside of her refused to back down.

"I'm trying to help because I know that if I let you go through with this moronic notion of yours without trying to stop you it'll be you who suffers the most of all in the end. You can't kill your brother because you'll be killing yourself. If you let your rage take over you'll lose something precious inside of you. I don't even have to see the future to know that much. If you do this part of you will never recover. You'll be forever changed and not for the better."

"People change," Van said coldly. "Just look at Folken, he's changed. He's changed so much I don't even know who he is anymore, Folken Fanel the kind brother I loved and looked up to or this Folken Strategos, general of Zaibach."

"They're the same person and he still cares for you, I know it," she insisted.

"Where was that care when Fanelia was being razed to the ground?" he rebutted. "That doesn't sound like brotherly love to me."

"Why are you like this? How can you even talk about killing your own brother? Doesn't death and killing matter to you anymore? Why is war all you ever think about any more? I thought you cared about me but you just—" Hitomi stopped, unable to go on.

"We're in the middle of a war, Folken is the enemy. If I kill him, Fanelia will be avenged."

"It's not healthy to think that way. Van—"

"No, Hitomi," Van said with a sharp cutting gesture with his hand. He suddenly sounded very weary. "We've discussed this enough. I won't talk about it anymore. I'm tired, so I'm going to sleep."

Van suited action to words and chose the side closest the door, turned on his side away from her, and likely closed his eyes. Hitomi's shoulders slumped defeatedly. She'd tried her best but there was just no convincing him. He was too angry, too hurt. In his position she'd likely feel the same way but she knew deep down that Van didn't want to hate his brother.

In a tangled mess of confusing circumstances it was hard to see her own nose in front of her face. Still, she could say one thing.

"My grandmother once told me never to fall asleep angry with someone I care about," Hitomi said quietly into the fire-lit gloom.

"I care about you a lot, so I forgive you." Hitomi slid under the blanket next to him and closed her eyes. Van didn't say anything further even though Hitomi waited for longer than a few minutes. So, that was the way it was. She'd just have to try again tomorrow.

Authors Notes

I had originally started this fic with the desire to write a sweet, sappy blanket fic centering on the only time during the show when they were really alone together and in a position to perhaps confess their feelings toward each other prematurely (not making this a cannon fic). But when I went back to watch the episode in question I realized that there was simply too much going on in the show for that to be a real viable option. Hitomi had just started seeing Allen but was plainly uncertain about it. And Van… well, Van just wanted to kill Folken. So I decided to opt for the cannon fic and explore a few issues that never got as much attention from what I've seen.

The bit just before Allen kissed Hitomi where it flashed to her thinking about Van I felt was significant but is rarely mentioned. I wanted to see an exploration of Hitomi's feelings on her kiss from Allen, I've seen a few but none that really seemed to mention the influence of Folken's interference and the role that that must have played in it. I envisioned it being sort of like an out-of-body experience for Hitomi, everything's just sort of hazy for her increasing the general weidness of a situation she thinks she should be enjoying but in reality just feels weird about. I also wanted to do a closer look at Millerna's reading because it seemed all wrong when they did it in the show; it made me wonder if the person writing it had ever even picked up a tarot book. I'm not an expert, in fact I'm a raw beginner and I haven't been reading cards for very wrong and this is just my interpretation based on my reading and upon the circumstances and characters in the show. I'm not sure if it's right but it makes more sense to me than Hitomi's reading in the context of the events surrounding the meat of the reading.

This episode had a lot of conflict in it, both internal and external. Van isn't talking to Hitomi, Hitomi's trying to adjust to Allen's protectiveness of her, Van wants to kill Folken, Folken wants to join Van, Allen wants to marry Hitomi. This episode is key. There's a lot going on and the fact that our two key players are barely speaking to one another is important. I didn't want to resolve matters, but highlight the various difficulties everyone was facing.

Please review and let me know what you thought. And if any of you out there read tarot cards I'd especially appreciate a review telling me if you thought my attempted reading was on the mark or complete bunk. I hope you enjoyed this!


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